On Friday 19th November 2021😍 I woke up late for an important meeting. Bearing in mind the meeting was in Westland and we live in Eastland, I was in a frantic rush to iron, snack, and catch an Uber. You, my husband sensed my rush, decided to forego your sleep and iron for me, cool my tea, and walk me to the gate where my waiting Uber was.
In doing this, you made several deposits in my emotional bank, and I feel so loved, like a young girl in a crush.
In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven R. Covey describes an emotional bank account as one’s relationship with another. He says: By proactively doing things that build trust in a relationship, one makes ‘deposits.’ Conversely, by reactively doing things that decrease trust, one makes ‘withdrawals.’ The current ‘balance’ in the emotional bank account, will determine how well two people can communicate and problem-solve together.
He goes on to say that in performing such acts of courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping commitments to one another, we build up a reserve. Trust toward me becomes higher. We can even make mistakes or communication may be unclear yet that trust level — that emotional reserve— will compensate for it.
As a marriage crusador, I decided to write this 3 paragraph letter to encourage a couple/spouse whose emotional banks deposits may be dwindling. It is the small things that make deposits.
It is in the feeding the baby, changing one diaper, offering to go pick the forgotten milk in the shop, taking the water to the bathroom, giving a ‘push’ to the gate/stage to catch the matt, brushing the shoes, the random affirming text, the flowers, the feet massage…
When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective. A friend recently shared an experience learnt from a training: Suppose your spouse travels far and wide and is rarely at home. When he comes, he bring along flowers, hugs you and spends the first 15 minutes of his arrival with you in complete attention. Wont that cover for the week away, somehow?
Let us identify ways of filling in our spouses emotional banks, because marriege works, when tendered.
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