Ever heard the question, what do you bring to the table?
Often when we hear this question at a time when marriage is presented as a scratch-my-back-I-scratch-yours affair, we think about money, the share we bring. We have also been positioned to believe that since we both go to work, both get home tired, etc., then husbands must participate either in cooking or dishes, especially because the women now participate in bills.
Modernization continues to punch in our ears that we are equal, doing away with the Bible’s teaching on male and female and I quote; that the husband needs to be considerate to the wife as the weaker partner. We have been told that what men can do, we can do better. Or best, if you like. We can move mountains. If anything, our mental boxes (a story for another day) open all at once, men open one at a time. It is very easy to reason this way, especially because the modern woman is very busy, and our offices do not make this bearable for us. We are equals in the office, same schedules, same workload. Our employers seem to forget that we have more responsibilities in the evening, hence the push for the modern woman to have duties shared 50-50.
While I strongly believe I am not limited to any job, and that I can indeed do and become all things I can imagine, I have not in any way allowed myself to imagine I can be what my husband is. I strongly believe I am his helper by God’s design, but that He is the leader of the home and I must consciously submit to his leadership.
So what do I bring to the table?
I bring prayer, salvation, and the constant endeavor to live a life worthy of the Lord. As I do that, I pray for my husband and family. We encourage, correct, rebuke, and bless each other. I also bring my vulnerability, so that together we take it to the Lord in prayer. There is no struggle, pain or frustration that is not known to my husband. And we got into a culture of praying now, so that frustration is taken to the Lord the moment it is shared. It is this commitment to the Lord that has helped us remain true to each other so that we do not have to worry about possible unfaithfulness.
I bring love, not equal to what he brings. No. I play my part as God’s steward, even in those days that I fell less loved. Many are days that my husband goes over and beyond because he also does not try to match up with me.
I bring food, good food😍 . My husband has a taste of good food, and when I discovered that I am never going to manage washing for him or ironing as often as I wished, I got one thing that I could manage. I believe that a woman must learn to work with her hands and create enjoyable food. The internet is full of recipes, and yours truly takes photos of good buffets on supermarkets, hotels, etcetera and tries them out.
I bring my motherhood expertise and brokenness. As mentioned above, a career woman who has limited time must identify non-negotiables in her home that she commits to doing with her own hands. My baby is among my top priorities, and there are specific things I have agreed with my DM can only be done by me. While I lack in many ways as a mother, I believe the little I am committed to doing will shape my children’s future.
I bring my paycheck as well. The virtuous woman in proverbs 31 is defined as one who provides food for her family, Vs 15, considers a field and buys it (invests), vs16, among other things. I will never believe in the lie that one provides and one works, no, especially when I love my husband, I know I am his helper, and that the truth is as written in proverbs 31. Marriage is a commitment to give 100%, whether this is reciprocated or not.
As I write this blog, I am fully aware that it is not by my might or power that God has sustained our marriage. It is by His power and inexpressible grace to us. Praise the Lord.
I am also a strong believer of asking for help when I need it, and I have asked for it from my husband a hundred thousand times, because, it a clean bedroom we need, not a feeling that I cleaned it.
I will exhaust the list in the next article, for now, see you on Sunday. Marriage works